Rude Cross Stitch and having no internet or phone, Suggestions .
When inconvenienced and not being all that used to it, one needs to be resilient. When technology fails, as it does with increasing frequency in some strata of society, one must have back up plans. Frankly, one should have all sorts of back up plans already in place, but for common tech, this is what I use: Suggestion one: don’t stress; catch up on your letter writing.
Suggestion two: don’t stress; finish reading Atwood’s The Handmaid’s Tale (books are better than movies) Or read Daniel Quinn, beginning with Ishmael.
Suggestion three: don’t stress; enjoy what you have.
Four whole days with no land line phone and no internet service. How did I manage for my first 40 years??? If you hadn’t figured it out, I’m old, and I’m okay with that.
It seems that fiber optics were not all they were cracked up to be, AGAIN. The lines had to be replaced from the house to the pole to some other pole AGAIN. Why did I think those things were underground where they are supposed to be? You know, away from squirrel teeth…
Thank providence I could enjoy my collection of rude cross-stitches during my time off the internet. You know what I mean, those embroidered thread and fabric plaques hanging on the walls, tiny Jenny Holzer premonitions, women’s art from the old days, that took hours and hours. Women used to have to make tapestries to cover the cold stone walls of ancient castles, but now that we each have our own little homes or apartments we still need that little touch of word power to warm them up.
I have a great affinity for things that seem sweet and innocent or quaint on the surface and then deliver a message with surprise. Rude needlepoint and cross stitching is a devilish gift of charms and wit masked in the genre of nostalgic women’s most often ignored busywork. Let me illustrate.
“Because Fuck You, that’s why”. This one has curvy letters with flourish and surrounded with tiny leaves and flowers in a cream and gold frame. Lovely. It blends in like a viper on the bark of a tree.
A famous one is : “This is proof that I can stab something a thousand times.” I so admire this woman.
Insightful reminders are always good, too: “Almost every hand you ever shook had a dick in it”.
This sampler (as they were once called ) has great symmetry, leaping stags, evergreens, Nordic designs, and the traditional alphabet letters on 3 lines:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P
Q R S T H I S I S A F U CK I N G
H E I R L O O M U V W X Y Z
The circular ones still in their embroidery hoops are super charming:
“I do not spew profanities; I enunciate them clearly like a fucking lady”.
Many are decorated with wonderfully realistic images, too:
“The world might be full of despair and broken promises,
But it is also full of brightly colored poisonous frogs.”
(Google those frogs; They are amazing.)
I so like the intricate little landscapes all depicted in those precise little ‘x’es:
“Behold the garden in which I grow my fucks! See that it is barren.”
Simple directions signs are useful: “Please do not do cocaine in the bathroom.”
And “The cat has been fed. Please do not fall for her b.s.”
Also “Never confuse hospitality with endurance.”
These might help guests navigate your surroundings more easily.
Religious quotes give perspective: “ Jesus Loves You… everyone else thinks you’re a jerk.”
There are points to consider such as this proud pigeon rendered in those oil slick satiny colors in puddles:
“ I will shit on everything you love.”
I also enjoy the declarative statements, to cut through the rumors, like: “ Living in Sin.”
Or “ Be the light you want to see in the world” nice contrast of the flame coming out of a green bottle. It gives another perspective altogether for an otherwise tiresome cliché.
“What doesn’t kill you
Mutates and tries again.”
“When work feels overwhelming
Just remember that
you’re going to die.”
I like movie references such as this one in a red and green holiday motifs: REDRUM;
and my mom’s favorite Christmas decoration: BAH HUMBUG
There’s more but you get the gist. I’ve never been really good with embroidery, although as a child my Aunt Mickey used to give me a nickel for each green leaf I’d sew on her table runners. She did the flowers. But what really got me going and inspired with at least collecting needlework was seeing a photo of Bette Davis, wrinkled and smoking a cigarette, sitting by an embroidered pillow on her sofa that read “Old Age Ain’t for Sissies”
I couldn’t agree more.
You can find Art everywhere and you must never discount the women’s sewing and embroidery arts as unworthy of collecting or creating. So, until next time, happy artwork to you.
p.s. If you are reading this post then you know the internet has been reconnected to my device and also that I will be looking into the Ryan Reynold’s internet and phone services. He claims to not hate his customers. If you have that service and care to review how it compares, please do.
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