Well, Hell - And all the good intentions to which that road is paved. Aarrrgghhh!
I do try. I mean, I work at it, with diligence and effort. And I have gotten so much better with practice. I sit and I think and I visualize and I even friggin’ work and repeat, and still that instant switch, the one that goes off like a well sprung mouse trap… is there, poised, not disarmed, not stuffed away. The INSTANT that button (okay, a whole friggin’ bank of buttons) is pushed: BANG! Right on target. Bulls-eye, dead center, done deal.
(yeah. it is understood. back off. I have waaay too much going on right this moment to have to make your death seem like an accident.)
Okay. Here’s where I am with that. BANG! Then silence and walking away for maybe 15 or 20 minutes. Deep breaths. Thinking and calming and amazed. Dang it. I thought I got that hot rocket “thing” turned off!
Well, at least no dishes were broken, no art work slashed, no bodies or blood….and just 15 or 20 minutes… so, better. It is getting better.
How I envy those people who can have whatever idiocy, provocation or crap thrown up into their faces and still they can remain calm and be witty, intelligent, in control without violence or thoughts of violence. Those people are marvelous.
I am NOT talking about dire and life ending tragedies here. I’m only talking about preparing dinner, at home, on a holiday, when plans change but it is honest to goddess no big deal and still, something sets the fuse to burn and BANG. Dang it.
How do I pull out the fuse? That’s it, isn’t it? The bundle of dynamite will not explode if the fuse is cut or pulled out in time, right? I think reframing is the key. Come up with a new visualization. Embody a new picture with the quick thinking and well trained heroine deftly pulls out the fuse and steps on the fire to snuff it out.
Some of us really do not have happy holiday memories to reflect upon as a coping mechanism.
Some of us have tense, disappointing, down right sad and maddening memories. Okay. That’s just how it is or was. This is here and now. We do not ‘have to’ continue the patterns. We don’t. Let’s stop it.
Let us engage in the facts of here and now. No bombs falling on our heads – check and good. No enemies banging on the door or dragging us away – check and good. No lack of shelter – the roof is up there over our heads – check and good. We do have friends – right, check and good. I have coffee – and that is good, too. My brain thinks and can figure out Wordle and my Luminosity games – good. I can walk and talk and laugh – all good. I can still make art, more or less – good. The cat keeps coming home, and that’s good. Physical aches and pains are manageable – good, check, right. Okay. Relax. Change the channel. Clean something. Put some stuff away. Organize the desk. All good. Start again. No body is perfect; no body is even close and so chalk it up to being a human in crazy times and realizing that it has always been crazy times. Compared to some times, these times are NOT that bad…..today. At least... I can write to YOU.
Let it go. Breathe. Let it go. Let’s see what’s on Netflix. Let’s put up our feet, settle back and enjoy a good show. Tomorrow is another day. Cheers.
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